I’ll never forget that morning, 15 years ago. Up at 6:30am after going to bed at 5 in the morning. I had stayed up all night making my wedding veil. I was tired… nervous. Was I really ready to commit to a lifetime with this man? To be honest, it scared the heck out of me.
I was terrified of commitment… I had struggled my whole life with fear of rejection. One of my favorite songs was sung by Ella Fitzgerald, and the part that I used to sing with ALL my heart was “When I fall in love, it will be forever, or I’ll never fall in love…. When I give my heart, it will be completely, or I’ll never give my heart.”
You see, Trent was my first “boyfriend.” The first man I committed to for more than a week. Yeah… there were guys that I had hung out with here and there, but I REFUSED to give my heart or any real piece of it, except to someone I could actually see myself marrying, because I was so terrified of what would happen if I was eventually seen as not good enough… unworthy… and cast aside. I simply couldn’t bear the thought.